My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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