We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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