I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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