That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
