i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
