i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
