You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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