I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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