that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
