i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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