Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
