it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
