this just has baby written all over it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
