Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
