I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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