Michael Bay diarrhea
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
