you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
