Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
