this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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