Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
