you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
