Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
