I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
