yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
