In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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