I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
