What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
