We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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