Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
