I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Damn victory sex feels great
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
