You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
