I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
