so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
