You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
