respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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