I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
