Got a toothbrush?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm always down for nudity.
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