Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
