"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
