you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
