marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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