I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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