Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
