I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
