You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
