gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
