if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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