Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
