If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
