Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
