At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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