I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
